Never Say Never

What a day. Somehow I managed to read my schedule wrong. So I ended up a little over an hour late. Whoa buddy. Not good.

Got caught up (or so I thought). And then? Well. You all know how it goes. Things go crazy! And that is just how life goes.

Sometimes, you think you are on the right path and then BAM! Smack in the face and a big fat HAH! GOTCHA! Some days it is a pure miracle that we manage to hold ourselves together and pull through, albeit battered and bruised (whether physically, mentally, or emotionally). But, that's life.

Patrick thinks I get too dramatic about the chaos that can erupt on a pretty much regular basis. However.... this is coming from the guy who spends most of his days in his mobile office - his car - ALONE. Most of his interactions come by way of email or phone. And only one phone line at that. And, he's got pretty much like three people from his office that feed things into his day-to-day work.

Me? Well. I don't intend to blog about work much. But a little window into my days might just show "wassup" So where to begin? My official title is "Administrative Support Team" associate/lead. However, most may assume that I am simply just an office assistant. And that, dear friends, is the beginning of the demise of any understanding outsiders may believe they have.

My comical description of just what I do is a combination of "office b*tch" (not in the sense of "Danielle, you are the office b*tch" - I'm talking the "holy crap you do everything") with a little "if we aren't there, the store will fall apart" (no joke, by the way).

I don't just provide HR support... or just cash support... or just operations support... or just answer phones (I've lost track of the actual number of extensions we are responsible for at any given moment). We do everything.

Elevator stuck? We call it in. Escalator broken (what else is new?)? We call it in. The escalator stopped, you said? We run to turn it back on. You're with FedEx or UPS and have a delivery? Fabulous, I will send someone your way. Thank you for coming to an interview today, I'll call your interviewing manager to see if they can come earlier since you got here 20 minutes early. Oh, you're from FedEx/UPS and STILL waiting, sorry, I promise I will get someone for you. (call the world... all busy... who runs to sign? we do) You are looking for "Lost & Found", what did you lose? You lost your keys? Can you describe them for me? A house key and car key? What kind of car key? A normal house key, you say? Do you have a clicker? Oh, you do? So what kind of car key is it then? A Honda, Ford, (begging for some sort of description)?? Ohh, ok, you lost your Lexus key that has a heart keychain with a picture of your dog. THANK YOU! Hold on while I go search for it. (seriously people, if you lose your stuff, PLEASE know what the heck it looks like and give a blasted description already! We don't read minds)

"Where's your customer service?" Sorry, we don't have a traditional customer service area, did you need to pay your bill? "Yes, but I've got a question, I don't know my balance" Oh, no worries, all of our associates at ANY register can pull your current balance and process payments super fast. "Really?" Yes. "Where?" ANY register. ANY REGISTER. "Excuse me, I've got a question about this bill, can you tell me all my purchases?" I'm sorry m'am, but for your credit protection we don't have access to view any details of your account, our associates are only able to pull an account balance and process payments. "Oh, well alright, here's my payment" Sorry, but we can't process payments here in the office, we don't have a register. (this is when the customer starts staring at our computer, like they don't believe it won't take their money). "Oh, well what happened to your gift wrap area? Am I in the wrong area?" No, sir, it has been closed since MARCH, we relocated the self-serve to Luggage.

Oh, you need someone paged, what's the name? Can you say that again? Thank you. Wait, don't hang up yet, where am I paging this person to? Got it. "Good Afternoon Macy's Shoppers, will Jane Doe please return to xyz department, JANE DOE please return to XYZ, thank you!" Meanwhile, three other lines have been ringing and I still haven't gotten my project that has now been sitting on my desk for over an hour and is now buried by whatever else has been dropped off on top of it.

Throw in preparing for the weekly meeting, the monthly visit... and the latest - toss in a little INSANITY trying to prep for not just one audit, but two! You say xyz documents need locked up at all times? Well, crap, that lock is broken, we don't have keys to that cabinet, OH JOY this lock does work! SWEET, let me get right on that and move it immediately! The keys can't just sit in the desk while I'm there? I don't have any more keyring bungees. CRAP. The lock broke on the drawer that worked. CRAP. Only one filing cabinet for everything? CRAP.

Now you've got a little tidbit and I stress TIDBIT of what I do every day! ALWAYS busy, always something to do. Always a project on the verge of completion that never quite gets done. Did your blood pressure rise? Sorry! Just breathe. Calm yourself. Get a chocolate bar. Get a scoop of ice cream. Make yourself an orange cream soda ice cream float. Pull your blender out, fill it with ice, dump a little margarita mix in and some good tequila. Blend it up. And drink it's yummy goodness.

Never say never. Cuz when you do, all hell will break loose and God will shake his fist at you and teach you a lesson. A lesson about managing to survive when everything around you gets a little crazy.